My thoughts float around me like snowflakes hesitant to land. Melting, melting, crying as they do. Bubbles bursting too soon, and I’m not capable of grasping them. I’m trying. I am. I’m aching to be thorough and clear. I don’t want the clouds I see to overwhelm me. It’s like that a weird song by some unknown artist with little credibility. Floating. Floating. These thoughts are like explosions of emotions. It’s an emotional hurricane. This one’s not Sandy, this is a little more Katrina.
Kelly, get a grip.
It’s November. What a beautiful word. November. I love the holidays. I can’t wait for the twinkle lights, and beautiful trees. I love the way people are during holidays. Just delightful. OF course there are many exceptions. I look forward to them just the same.
I have a simple story today. Just a moment I had, and I thought would be sharable.
I was talking to Venti coffee today. He’s absolutely adorable, smile and all. I love talking to him. He smiles, and you smile. Today he was just simply talking to me. Just one on one conversation. He talked to me about his kids, and the joy that they bring him. It’s pretty spectacular to witness so much love. He spoke of his beautiful wife, and I was jealous. Not that I want him for myself in anyway. He is attractive as I’ll get out, but he’s so in love with his wife that I wouldn’t ever want him for myself. I was jealous of the selfless love he feels. He is so content with unimpressive weekends spent at home with his baby girls, and little man. He enjoys taking the kids out so his wife can have a break to get some shopping done. How could I resist feeling envy?
I don’t mean to come off as eager to wed. I am not eager to be wed. I am eager to be in that place of happiness. I love to see so much joy in someone’s eyes.
I have another regular that makes me feel that same twinge. Trenta iced coffee is quite similar to Venti coffee. He has boys too. He’s no longer married though. I don’t know what the story is there, and I don’t desire to know. I can see a difference in these two men. Iced coffee is lonely, and needs that companionship. Sometimes I catch myself wishing I’d allow myself to fall for someone like these coffees, but alas I cannot.
I’m probably too open about this, but I obviously don’t mind. (You are already reading my personal life.) I adore both of these men, but my heart yearns for another. I have this horrid tendency to fall for the jerk. I like the BACHELORFORLIFE types. We all know who they are. It’s ridiculous.
I have another regular that I dread to see. I say dread wishfully. I wish, I wish, I wish that I dread his presence. But it’s just too bad, I love it when five shot iced Americano comes in. He is just masculine, tall, and smooth. He is the BACHELORFORLIFE ring leader. He has this dreamy (barf) voice that makes my knees go weak. (barf barf) I hate how shaky he makes me.
The girls have taken to calling him my boyfriend. Hooray? Haha not my reaction. STOP IT!
Why is it the tendency to fall for the one who will treat you the worst? Women, what is our problem? Maybe I am being too general. I should look at it the right way. It’s me. I’ve got issues.
These thoughts of not wanting, but wanting just the same seem to burst before they can touch my fingertips. I’m just a barista in need of some barista therapy.